Re: RAT Re: Flanders

[nick <nick@nickspix.com>]

At 01:55 PM 4/29/99 -0700, Lee Wochner wrote:
>All right, I admit it. I'm an uncultured nabob. Maybe I've just been
>spending too much time with Dostoevsky, et al. Who is Flanders? I've been
>enduring not getting this reference for oh, about 165 posts so far, but now
>I've had enough.
>
>Lee,
>Flandless
>

"Look, Homer, all of us pull a few boners now and then, go off half-cocked,
make asses of ourselves. So, I don't want to be hard on you, but I just
wish you wouldn't curse in front of my boys" 

****************

"At times like these, I used to turn to the Bible and find solace, but even
the Good Book can't help me now"

Homer : Why not?

"I sold it to you for seven cents"

Homer : Oh

Ned broke 
*********************

"Dear God, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks and 'Sweatin' to
the oldies, volumes one, two and four" 

Ned praying in hospital 
************************

"If you think I'm cuddly / And you want my company / Come on wifey let me
know....ugh, ugh, ugh.." 

Ned, serenading his wife 
*************************

(seeing Rod and Todd praying) "Knock that off, you two. It's time for church" 

Todd : We're not going to church today

(gasp) "What! You give me one good reason"

Todd : It's Saturday

"Okelly-dokelly-do" 

Ned in 'Love that God' 
*********************

"Oh, the network slogan is true! Watch FOX and be damned for all eternity" 

Ned believing his family have the Osaka flu because he watched 'Married
with Children' 
********************

"Godspeed little doodle"

Ned to the cheese doodle that they use as bait to catch a fish 
********************

Homer : Flanders! My socks feel dirty! Gimme some water to wash em!

"Again? Homer, we have to ration the water carefully! It's our only hope!"

Homer : Oh, pardon me, mister let's-ration-everything, but what do you
think we're floating on? Don't you know the poem 'water, water everywhere,
so let's all have a drink'

Homer and Ned arguing about how to ration the water 
*******************************

"Hidilly ho, neighboureenos"

Homer : Can't talk. Robbed. Go to hell.

"You folks got robbed too? The burglar took my shroud of Turin beach towels"
***************************

"Oh, golly, if that doesn't put the shaz in shazam. Oh listen, what's the
cash value of those tickets so I can report it on my income taxes?"

Ned, winning the football tickets over the radio 
****************************

"Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middleman who jacked up the
price, and let's not forget the human but determined boys at the
slaughterhouse" 

Ned saying grace 
*************************

"I told you, officer. I'm not 'hepped up' on 'goofballs'

Chief Wiggum : Yeah right (Ned loses balance in his dexterity test,
embarrassed that a church bus is passing by) High as a kite, everybody!
Goofballs! Where's your messiah now, Flanders? 

Ned gets pulled over for speeding 
************************

"Here's Jose Flanders!

Jose Flanders : Buenas ding-dong-diddily-dias, senor

"And this is Lord Thistlewick Flanders!

Lord Thistlewick Flanders : Charmed (Ned nudges him with his elbow. Lord
Thistlewick looks reluctant, but relents) Eh, a-googily-doogily

Ned introduces Homer to his cousins 
*************************

"Hello, Mr Brown ground, whatcha got for me?" 

Ned, rolling up his sleeves to inspect the Simpsons septic tank 
************************

"Ooh, I better take down the manger scene! If baby Jesus got loose he could
really do some damage!" 

Ned taking precautions for the hurricane 
***************************

"Why me, Lord? Where have I gone wrong? I've always been nice to people! I
don't drink or dance or swear! I've even kept Kosher just to be on the safe
side! I've done everything the Bible says; even the stuff that contradicts
the other stuff! What more could I do?" 

Ned praying after his house is destroyed 
******************************

"Reverend Lovejoy, with all thats happening to us today, I kinda feel like
Job.

Lovejoy : Well, aren't you being a tad melodramatic, Ned? Also I believe
Job was right handed.

"But, Reverend, I need to know. Is God punishing me? 

Lovejoy : Ooh, short answer 'yes' with an 'if'. Long answer 'no' with a 'but'

*****************

"Calmdown, Neddily-diddily-diddily-diddily-diddily...they did their
best...shoddily-iddily-iddily-diddily...gotta be nice
hostility-ilitity-bility-dility..Aw, hell diddily-ding-dong crap! Can't you
morons do anything right?

(The crowd gasps)

Marge : Ned, we meant well and everyone here tried their best!

" Well my family and I can't live in good intentions, Marge! Oh, your
family is out of control but we can't blame you because you've got gooood
intentions!

Bart : Hey, back off, man!

"Oh, Okay, duuude! I wouldn't want you to have a cow, maaan! Here's a
catch-phrase you better learn for your adult years 'hey buddy, got a
quarter?' "

(crowd gasps again)

Bart : I am shocked and appalled.

Ned going crazy when his rebuilt house isn't quite what he expected
**************************

"Homer, I've got a fozzie of a bear of a problem. Y'know Maude and her
mother were visiting Tyre and Sidon, the twin cities of the Holy land. They
must've kneeled in the wrong place and prayed to the wrong God, because,
well, they're being held prisoner by militants of some sort.

Homer : Militants, huh? Well, if I were you, I'd kick their asses.

"Well, any hoodily-doodle, the embassy says it's just a routine hostage
taking - but
I have to drive to Capitol City, fill out some forms to get 'em out. Could
you possibly watch the kids tonight?

Homer : Uh, gee, I'd really love to help you, Flanders, but...uh, Marge was
taken prisoner in the...Holy land and uh...

Lisa : I'll do it! I'll babysit!

"Well, I don't know, Lisa. You're awfully young, and the boys can be a
handful. Todd's been pinching everyone lately.

Lisa : But I'm smart and responsible, and my parents will be right next door!

"Well, what do you say, Homer? Can Lisa babysit for my Kids?

Lisa : Please, please, please!

Homer : Eh, I'll have to ask her.