Re: RAT Fwd: 9/11/01, pt 2

[Impacttheatre@aol.com]

People are stunned out here.  I was up early enough to see the plane hit the 
second tower.  My husband and I turned on the television to put on a video 
for our cranky, weeping 3 year old.  I stood there dumb, mouth open with The 
Lion King in my hand and watched the whole world change right before my eyes. 
 I put in the video and held my son in my lap.  Hakuna Matata.  Christ.  I 
buried my nose in his hair and he smelled like everything sweet and good and 
I felt frozen, like Lot's wife, turned to a pillar of salt by the sight of 
the devastation.  

Today at the grocery store, people were wandering the aisles like zombies.  
One woman was pushing a cart with her 2 year old, who stole a gummi worm from 
a bulk bin and looked up at her with a guilty smile.  She stared at him as if 
she had never seen him before, kissed him on top of the head, and wordlessly 
continued pushing her cart as the child sucked the candy with surprise.  
There were several old women there with grim, set faces.  Clearly they had 
been through Pearl Harbor and were steeling themselves for yet another round 
of horror and loss.

I also saw the footage of the rejoicing Palestinians and was unutterably 
depressed.  The man who lives in the apartment below me is Persian and as he 
was leaving for work this morning I was struck cold with the thought that 
some idiot would say or do something stupid to this sweet, young, innocent 
man and all I could say was, "Be careful."

I am caught between my fervent wish for a safe world for my son and the 
outraged demand for an Old Testament-style retribution that wells up within 
me unbidden and insistent.  I cannot reconcile the two and it leaves me 
wondering who I am, and who I should be, and who we all will become in the 
certain black aftermath of this apocalypse.

I want to pray but the words stick in my throat and I feel lost, like someone 
who suddenly finds herself in a foreign nation with no language to ask for 
help.

Melissa Hillman
Artistic Director
Impact Theatre
P.O. Box 12666
Berkeley, CA 94712-3666

(510) 464-4468
http://www.impacttheatre.com

"Theatre That Doesn't Suck" -Urban View



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