Re: RAT my tonsils, by rob nash

[jonoh1@juno.com]

Hometowns never appreciate their own. Believe me. It's true. Buck up,
little bunny.
Jonathan



On Wed, 16 Feb 2000 01:32:35 EST NashGay@aol.com writes:
>(note, this is going to intimate friends, a family list, a standup 
>comedy 
>list and a theatre list)
>
>i bled saturday night.  just got out of the hospital this morning.
>two thursdays ago, the 3rd, was my tonsilectomy.
>wed, on follow up, my doctor said if i bleed (while she's outta town) 
>i need 
>to go to the emergency room and have it coterized.  i feared that 
>meant we 
>start all over at zero.  i'd need a complete a new 14 days from the 
>possible 
>2nd operation before i could get my life back.  i'd have to feel just 
>as 
>awful and hungry and yet not hungry because eating hurts and the food 
>i can 
>eat is so unapetizing, in pain, hard to speak, impossible to write or 
>do my 
>taxes (but still not impossible to watch videos and talk about them on 
>my 
>listserves, oh, and attack christians-- the first reference is for my 
>
>Velveeta Room standup comics list, the second for my RAT theatre 
>list).  and 
>i NEED to do "junior blues" and "senioritis" march 1 for the new york 
>theatre 
>workshop (rent!) so they can decide if they want to host the 
>quadrilogy or 
>not. and jeff calhoun (annie get your gun, grease) my director can 
>decide 
>where his time will go for the next few months. and i can finally make 
>some 
>money so my manager can get a return on this two year very costly 
>investment 
>(the sombitch has flown me places on his dime he believes in me so 
>much) and 
>my agents will return my calls because i'm finally making them money.
>so when i bled sat, and it stopped immediately, i hoped it was just a 
>quick 
>fluke.  when i woke at 2 bleeding more profusely, nauteous and faint, 
>i 
>thought, "you fucker, you should have done what the goddamn doctor 
>said to 
>do.  (did i mention mom and dad who agreed to care for me decided to 
>hop up 
>to austin to see the grandkids since i was recovering so well, and the 
>doctor 
>didn't mention that the 10th day after a tonsilectomy is the most 
>likely day 
>for bleeding to occur?)
>so i dialed 0 for the operator.  ("fuck! kindergarten lesson of call 
>the 
>operator superseeded the 20 plus years of knowing to dial 911 when i 
>was 
>about to faint, spitting up blood into a glass.  i'm going to die 
>because 
>what they teach you in kindergarten ain't worth shit 26 years later!") 
> 
>"shit, i'm sorry, i shouldda dialed 911" "i'lll connect you. what 
>city?  
>"houston, oh, wait, maybe bunker hill villiage."  "911"  "Yes I'm 
>bleeding 
>blah blah blah."  "Where are you?"  "It's not on your screen?  oh, i'm 
>in 
>bunkerhill villiage."  "i'll transfer you" he tries six times.  "dude, 
>i'll 
>hang up and call." i hung up 8 times and the line wouldnt' release.  
>("fuck! 
>now technology is going to kill me.")
>when the cop got there the bleeding stopped.  when the ambulance got 
>there i 
>said, "i really can't afford this, can i just drive myself, since it 
>stopped 
>bleeding?"
>when i got myself to he ER, the intake receptionist said their 
>hospital (the 
>one my doctor did the surgery in) wasn't in my "ppo network."  FUCK 
>ME!!!
>also, they coudln't coterize it because they couldn't find the "hole" 
>because 
>it wasn't bleeding anymore.
>the doctor who took over my doctor's patience in her absence was 
>contacted 
>and said to send me home and 10 days is the most common day for the 
>bleeding 
>to start if it's going to start.  
>i went home.
>sunday night at 7ish it started bleeding again.  and stopped.  and 
>again and 
>stopped and again and stopped.  i went to bed.  
>i woke with more bleeding which didn't stop til my dad and i got a few 
>blocks 
>from the ER.  still coudlnt' find it.  the ER said "your doctor (the 
>one your 
>doctor refered you to)" said to go to his office at 9am tomorrow.
>we went home.
>at seven i woke and bled and it didnt' stop. called the Dr. who 
>"couldn't 
>make it til 9."  so i went to a different ER (also not in my network, 
>but it 
>was an emergency and my new doctor had priveleges there) and bled for 
>two 
>hours til the doctor came in his jogging and work out attire and 
>coterized 
>the wound.  this was when he casually mentioned, "oh, when i get a 
>call, i 
>know it's only going to be a while before the bleedin won't stop and 
>that's 
>when we fix it."  hmm useful information to withold from me unil now.  
>thanks 
>for not telling me that right away so i wouldn't hold on to false hope 
>that 
>it would get better and so i could wait until it wouldn't stop adn 
>then come 
>in. oh, and did i mention, thanks for getting your workout in while i 
>bled 
>for 2 hours.
>when he left the nurse shot my ass with one million gallons of an 
>antibiotic. 
> goddamn that hurt!  i'd been bleeding all weekend and it was nothing 
>like 
>this shot.  i'm allergic to just about everything including at least 
>two 
>antibiotics.  was i allergic to this?  i cried.  i'm a 32 year old 
>man.  i 
>may be a fag, but i have enough male upbringing to say that it was 16 
>years 
>ago, i was 16, half my life ago was the last time i cried at physical 
>pain.  
>dad was there and i have a good relationship with my dad so i just 
>decided to 
>take this window and bawl about everything i needed a good cry about 
>(note: 
>many of you are intimates and it's appropriate to confide my whines to 
>you, 
>many of you i don't even know but you are on a standup list or a 
>theatre list 
>and think it's appropriate for me to tell a very honest story and i 
>feel i've 
>paid enough dues to whine just a little and who knows, maybe there's a 
>happy 
>ending)
>"god it hurts.  motherfucker.  godddamn.  oh, this hurts so bad.  i'm 
>so sick 
>of this! i'm so goddamnsick of this."
>"what are you sick of?"
>"poverty!  i'm so sick of not paying my way and i'm so fucking 
>talented and 
>NOBODY KNOWS IT BUT ME!  i'm going to win, goddamnit."
>"what do you need to win?"
>"i'm going to win a bigger audience.  thousands in new york and 
>millions when 
>we make the movie will see and be transformed and healed and 
>challenged by my 
>work and the gay kids who see it will know they aren't alone.  and the 
>
>straight kids will know they aren't alone.  and my nephews and neice 
>will 
>brag about me to their friends.  and i'll pay my own goddamn way.  i 
>won't 
>have to borrow money anymore.  i'll be a man.  but right now it 
>fucking hurts 
>more than i can say.  they didn't come!!  i take my two greatest 
>plays... out 
>of seven plays, each better than the one before it...  and i take the 
>two 
>best creations i've ever done in my life to my home town!! to the town 
>they 
>take place in and they stay away in droves, the paper doesn't come, 
>more than 
>half the email list didn't come, more than 3/4 of the hotlist of 
>poscards-- 
>people either familiar with the new venue or who saw Freshman Year 
>Sucks! and 
>Sophomore Slump just last July did not come.  they broke my heart.  
>they 
>broke my fucking heart!  don't come because you "support the arts" 
>come 
>because i've earned your trust!  you've seen this work and you know 
>that it 
>only gets better!  why didn't you come?? how am i going to pay for 
>this 
>tonsillectomy and follow up emergency surgery??"
>it was great.  god that felt good.  well, the nurse freaked out at 
>seeing a 
>grown man cry, and ordered a shot of demerol.  (which i might also be 
>
>allergic to.)
>after a brief moment of good post-crying, in a chick-like glow and 
>after an 
>initial honeymoon with the demerol, i got sweats and chills and 
>nausea-- 
>worse than the antibiodic shot.  
>i threw up lots of dark brown blood.  i'd been bleeding all weekend, 
>and your 
>tummy barfs that up, clots and all.  but the nurse called my doctor 
>saying i 
>was bleeding again so they took me into the OR (i think that's the 
>diff 
>between the room he first locally coterized it and the second where 
>they put 
>me all the way under again and he went in for a 2nd coterization.)  so 
>i 
>spent the night at the hospital.  and the next "10 day danger period" 
>happens 
>right around my ny theatre workshop showcase.  if you pray, pray.  if 
>not, 
>send poz vibes or whatever you do.  i'll accept anything.
>
>some of the morals of this story:  
>1- don't let some new agey old wives tale, cocktail knowlege 
>urban-legend 
>like "don't let them take your tonsils!  god gave you tonsils and 
>wants you 
>to have tonsils!  don't let those bastard doctors who actually study 
>anatomy 
>and double blind scientific method studies for years before they can 
>make a 
>call!  trust me!  after all, i have a old wife, a cocktail and am up 
>on all 
>the new agey urban legends!"  I SHOULD HAVE RIPPED THESE BITCHES OUT A 
>LONG 
>TIME AGO, BECAUSE IT AIN'T NO URBAN LEGEND THAT HAVING TONSILS REMOVED 
>IN 
>ADULTHOOD IS MUCH MORE RISKY THAN IN YOUTH.
>2- constantly ask your HMO and doctors "if were on the same page here" 
>
>becaues chances are you aren't.  fax your questoins if they won't take 
>your 
>calls which they won't.  follow up.  put yourself in their shoes, 
>they're 
>just as over stressed and want to have a life at the same time 
>(hopefully 
>they can be persuaded to sew you up, then go work out-- hey, dr, i'm 
>going to 
>throw you schedule off, may as well, be first, then the work out, then 
>that 
>first apointment in the AM which i was going to make you late for 
>anyway.)
>3- have friends and family to cry to.  because if you cry the pain, 
>you're 
>less likely to act the pain out and you can get back to shamelessly 
>persuing 
>this goddamn fucking dream.
>4- they haven't killed me or the dream yet.
>5- thank you!  goodnight!
>
>-rob nash

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