My Home Page: SQUIRMAID

Hello fellow Internet surfer and welcome to my home page. I'm very glad that you made it this far . . . and I hope that you'll stick around long enough to get to know just a little bit more about me and my life. After all, these days, acquaintances that begin in cyberspace are often the most real, vivid, and long-lasting - and maybe that will be true of us.

My Background

I was spawned at high tide underneath the boardwalk
at Coney Island, but my family soon gave up the "Water" for the "Silicon."
So I grew up both in the midst of the technical revolution
and in its heart because without a special "permeable saltwater/silicon implant "
attached to my lower extremeties, I would not be able to be here right now.
Add to this the fact that both my parents are carnie scum, and you'll find it small wonder
that I'm something of a supermodel for the new age.

And, before we go any further, just in case (not that I'm looking to get hired, but - just
in case you ARE my big break), here's my Audition.

My Interests

I guess that the best - and fastest - way to really get to know me
is by discovering who and what I like. So here goes . . .
I love to spray squirmaid juice and eat little children.

I also love to inspire cheap imitations.

Without my devoted pit crew I could never reach my adoring masses.
Whenever I can I visit the workshop of the reclusive engineer who makes my life on land possible.
And of course I would not be the Supermodel that I am without my two Designing Women.
Finally, without The Butcher Barker/Tail Inspector, I'd be lost at sea.

I love receiving mail from all my fans and admirers.
I answer each and everyone personally, so please

For those of you over 18, I'd love to talk to you at 1-900-MER-MAID. It costs only 99cents CHEAP per minute. Let me growl sweet nothings into your ear. Also be sure to see me in the flesh (or is that fin) at my next performance.